Swimming In My Head…

diving in the deep end…

Oh great…I passed the test…

So, I’m writing this right before I leave to check myself into (shhh, I have to whisper this) the Betty Ford Clinic.  You see, my ‘blogmily’ member gbu2 wrote the most interesting post yesterday: Do You Think Like a Serial Killer.

And well, I just found out I do apparently.  Since I’ve got so many other shall we say, challenging compulsions, I figure I’ll just kill 22 birds with one rehab and ask at the desk whether they can treat me for this new found cerebral ability too.

Amy Winehouse has nothing on me I guess.

My new uniform

My new uniform

Anyhew, on to other news in my ever-so-exciting existence…

Last night, while we were having dinner, we stumbled across the movie “The Messengers” on Starz and watched the tail end.  I had forgotten that it was one of those movies that gives me those little prickly chills throughout my body at various times.

So, in one particularly prickly part, this is the conversation that transpired between me and ‘The Other One’ written in true gbu2 style:

Me:  I forgot how much this movie scared me.

The Other One:  How scared does it make you?

Me:  Like a really chubby kid in a grocery store that only sells rice cakes.

For the visual...

For the visual...

Me & The Other One:  (Silence for 3 seconds while the visual kicks in) ——————————>

Me & The Other One:  (Uncontrollable laughter)

Me:  (Between hearty laughs) Who am I kidding…like me in a grocery store that only sells rice cakes.

And that “friends” is all for today…

February 12, 2009 Posted by | Funny, Movies, Really?, Television | , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Snow in Tampa?

Of all the ‘tweet’s’ and news feeds and RSS’s and Diggs and Stumbleupons…sorry, I get carried away with all of the information sometimes.

Anyhew, what I was trying to say before my little tangent was that I received a ‘tweet’ this morning that it may possibly snow in Tampa tomorrow.  Why have the last 7 days felt like the first hour of The Day After Tomorrow in this country?

I’m not sure which will be a bigger headline if it happens – the inauguration or the snow.

BTW, to all my ‘blog buddies’ out there that have left recent comments to which I have not replied as of yet, I promise the replies are coming and thank you guys for being the best ‘blog buddies’ a guy can have.

January 19, 2009 Posted by | Life In General, Really? | , , , , | 2 Comments

Stupid ‘Phishing’ Emails

I haven’t been around for the last 2 weeks or so due to the holidays, but I’m back, I’m happy, and I’ve got my sense of humor all in the hopes that 2009 will certainly be better than ’08.

I got another one of those almost weekly emails at my business email address that just makes me wonder how cyber-criminals even get any footing.  The email read as follows (misspellings and grammatical errors et al):

Subject:  “Reply Asap.”
Sender:  Bar. Michael Reed


Thanks for your attention, I have been waiting to receive an update from you after I receive your name as the Legal beneficiary to my client William, I want you to be aware that I have the documents to claim the fund deposited by him before is untimely death.  I will be pleased to work with you in getting fund transferred to you as the next of kin to the account of my late client valued at 8.5 million British Pounds Sterling only, to be certain that you are capable, I will need the information stated below to apply for the release of the fund to you by the bank,

Full Name:
Country of Origin:

As I mentioned to you in my first email, I am only a lawyer to the late William and don’t work in the bank.  For us to be successful on this claim to be truthful and maintain adequate confidentiality at all time.  I will await your reply as soon as possible,
Best regards,
Bar. Michael Reed”

If only I believed that there was a real person on the other end of this email that is anxiously rubbing their hands in anticipation of my naivety to respond with such information.  I think this is how I would reply:

Dearest Bar. Michael Reed,

I received your urgent notification of the untimely demise of my unknown relative William.  Were you able to attend the funeral?  If so, how did he look?  Because I don’t have a clue.

I noticed that your email is a gmail account and I thought that since you’re an attorney who had my wealthy unknown relative as a client, you may want to take $10 of your cut and invest in a URL.  GoDaddy has some great rates and it can only further improve your professional image and brand.

I’m sorry that you’ve been waiting to confirm my name.  I just thought you might’ve known it since you were able to email me.  And while we’re speaking candidly, you used the word “fund”.  Does that mean that I’m only set to receive 1 British Pound Sterling only, or is your “s” key broken?  The word is “funds”, please use it appropriately or else I might think you’re trying to deceive me.  Incidentally, what are “British Pound Sterlings only”?

I really appreciate your concern for whether I’m capable of receiving 8.5 million ‘British Pound Sterling only’.  I don’t know whether you’ve read the newspaper, watched the news or checked the internet lately, but we’re in the midst of a tiny economic meltdown here, so I just wanted you to know that I am indeed capable of receiving 8.5 million anything.  I can use it to pay off 1 or 2 of my credit cards.

Per your request, I’ve provided the information that the bank needs for release of my ‘fund’.  Just to make sure that you have everything you need to begin systematically stealing my identity, I’m also going to email you the pins to all of my financial web portals, the keys to my back door and my social security number.

Name: Gofa Cureself
Address: 12345 Beachfront Swampland
Age: 29 (for the 7th year in a row)
Tel: (123) 456-7890 (it’s my Monte Carlo number)
Sex: As often as I can, but that’s kind of personal and Capital One doesn’t ask that
Occupation: Don’t need one because I’ve got next of unknown kin who routinely die (according to several other prior ‘phishing’ emails) and leave me large sums of money on the regular.
Country of origin: Well I guess France since “origin” is probably derived from the French word originalite.  Why are you asking me.  Try ask.com.
Nationality: ‘A-mur-i-can’ (I figure I better spell it in a way you can sound out since using the word “funds” seems particularly challenging for you)

I’m sorry to hear that you’re “only a lawyer to William” and that you don’t work for the bank.  It appears that you haven’t quite been able to reckon with his untimely demise when you speak of him in the present.  I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you ‘were only a lawyer to William’.

Tell you what…I’ve got people, so why don’t you have your bank people call my bank people and we’ll get this party started.  I’m so glad that you are an ethical individual who believes in truthfulness and confidentiality because you won’t mind if I ask you a few questions about yourself so I can comfortably refer your services to my other family members who will no doubt be affected by future untimely deaths of unknown relatives that deposit ‘fund’ in banks with no name and currency from other countries not normally associated with our genealogy.

You know what?  Nevermind…Judge Judy is on and as you know being an attorney and all, she is riveting television.  So, my questions can wait but I’ll be waiting by my laptop for your next email to tell me that the check is in the mail.

Thanks for everything now,

Gofa Cureself

January 7, 2009 Posted by | Funny, Life In General, Really? | , , , | 4 Comments

Banks raising credit card interest rates?

Unfortunately, I have no humor to pepper into this post because this is just one of those release posts for me.

I read an article about how banks are starting to raise interest rates on some credit cards up into the 30% range.  WTF Becky?  Seriously, I don’t even understand how we get here on some issues.

It’s never made sense to me that banks, based on credit risk, would write up terms on credit that makes it nearly impossible for someone of lesser means to make good on the whole transaction.

It’s like how we’re told that if we tell someone they’re stupid long enough, they start to believe it and in turn act stupid.  We’re setting them up for failure.

So, why oh why are banks raising interest rates on credit cards to 30%?  Do they really think that by making it impossible for someone to catch up that this will help the economy?  Why set them up for failure?  If you make it impossible for someone to pay, they’re going to stop paying and then you won’t get any of your money back.

Seriously…if I choose to deposit money into a savings or checking account in the bank of my choice, the bank uses the money I’ve deposited to invest right?  But, they only give me a 1 – 2% interest rate to use my money.  But let’s say that  they become a bad credit risk (i.e. having to accept bailout money to stay in business), how come I don’t get to walk in there and tell them that I’m increasing the interest rate on them to 10% to shore up any perceived or anticipated losses.

I just think it’s completely ignorant to complain about the downward spiraling economy and then do things that deliberately compromise real opportunities to make it better.

Thanks everybody…I’m done.

December 18, 2008 Posted by | Finances, Life In General, Really? | , , , , | 2 Comments

We watched “2 Girls 1 Finger”

Really busy day today so not a lot of time to post.  Quick update though…we decided to watch both “2 Girls 1Cup” and “2 Girls 1 Finger” last night.  It only happened because my sister called to tell me that she had watched the reaction videos on my post yesterday and she decided she HAD to watch the original videos.

I knew I could at least make it through them if she did, since she’s pregnant and said she only gagged.  I heard through the grapevine that my buddy @ WTF watched them too…still waiting for the report.

Anyhew…I only gagged 3 times and never fully utilized the garbage can…so, I’m proud of myself.  We did however, decide to video the showing and our reaction is actually quite funny…maybe I’ll post the video here soon.

Hope everyone is having a great Wednesday!

One little treat for you before you leave…the following reaction is priceless…enjoy!

December 17, 2008 Posted by | Funny, Life In General, Really? | , , , , | 3 Comments