Swimming In My Head…

diving in the deep end…

…Been so long…

I can’t believe I haven’t posted anything on here since April. This was truly my outlet and allowed me the opportunity to let go of some of the things that were literally ‘swimming in my head’.

Had to let it go for a time to focus all of my energy on growing the business especially because the economy was seemingly sending it the other way.

Truly learning that the universe works in mysterious ways though. June was a month of getting reacquainted with people that I haven’t seen in over 15 years and getting reacquainted with myself.

Where I thought I had analyzed the situation enough to figure out why these people had reentered my life, I’m finding out that the reason may not be as obvious as I thought.

Through those recent reunions, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and starting to get to know some amazing people; one of which is Traci (click her name for her blog which is an amazing read).  As a matter of fact, Traci was the inspiration/motivation to unearth the personal blog again.

I’m not sure exactly where everything is heading on all fronts, but what I’ve learned and gained in the way of knowledge and phenomenal people in my life, makes up for the uncertainty.

I’m just going to go with it and see where it takes me…

July 16, 2009 Posted by | Life In General | , , , | 4 Comments

Think Twice

No humor in this post, simply a statement from the heart.

Last night I spoke with my biological mother on the phone.  As has been the case many times in the past, the call ended unpleasantly.  Not because mean things were said from my end or hers for that matter.  It’s what wasn’t said.

I haven’t actually seen my biological parents in over 4 years now.  There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about them or wonder if they’re alright.  But in our family’s case, religion has driven a wedge between family members that has been ongoing for the last 16 years or so .

I called them back after they had left me a voicemail on Saturday.  And if you’re wondering why I waited so long to return the call, it’s because I ultimately fear how the conversation will go – every time.  This one didn’t disappoint.

When I heard my mother’s voice, I actually started to cry because I miss her more than she’ll ever know.  And when she asked me what was wrong, I said that I just don’t understand how religion can come between a family and that I’m hurt by the fact that I don’t even know my parents.

She stopped me from talking the minute I brought up the religion which incidentally is Jehovah’s Witnesses and then she did what hurt the most…she didn’t say anything else.

My sister and I have gone through years of this back and forth, trying to establish some semblance of a relationship with the people that used to so proudly announce that “they brought us into this world”, but inevitably we are shuttered out of their lives for fear that we will be instrumental in them losing their faith.

Ironically, my sister is due to have a baby around the same time as my birthday this year and there is one thing I will make sure of…that the baby knows they are loved no matter who they choose to marry, their sexual orientation, their choice in clothes, music, religion or friends – people become products of their environment.  As that baby’s uncle, I’m accountable for my piece of his environment.

I have sat back for years silently watching so many claiming to be advocates for God discredit, disrespect, judge and say and do hurtful things to others all in the name of God.  All I can do is shake my head and wonder how on earth they can honestly feel like they’re doing the right thing.  It’s strange because I say I lost my faith at 16, but I sometimes wonder if I lost my faith in people instead of God.

It’s “The Other One’s” parents that I call mom & dad because they without question, stepped into that role for me without even being asked.  They’re there when I need them and even when I think I don’t.  They have been supportive and loving every step of the way for the 9 years that we’ve been together and for that I’m eternally grateful.

I titled this post “Think Twice” because this whole experience has taught me a thing or two.  It’s taught me to think twice before I just dismiss another human being.  I can’t possibly know what they’re going through at that very moment and my dismissal of them might be the very thing that sends them over some edge.  It’s taught me that if I have people in my life that care about me, think twice before I take that care for granted and do my best to always return it.

And last but not least, it’s taught me to think twice about love and mortality.  The reality is that there are only 2 guarantees in life – death and taxes.  Taxes are negotiable, dying is not.  50 years from now (with any luck), when all is said and done and I’m on my way to wherever it is that we go, will I be able to look back and say without question that I feel good about how I treated, loved and cared for others?

Because if I can’t say that unequivocally, there probably won’t be anybody there to listen anyway?

February 19, 2009 Posted by | Life In General | , , , , , | 10 Comments

2 Week Recap

Just a quick little catch-up post to get me back in the good graces of my blogosphere friends that I miss desperately (WTF, Good Bad & Ugly, Presque Isle Files, Sideon’s Sanctuary, In Repair, and Whisper in the Void:

– I have admittedly been lured away by Facebook and Twitter.  Not because I don’t love blogging – I totally do, but it’s just so much easier to say whatever the hell it is that’s on my mind in 140 characters or less.

– I’ve been defriended/unfriended by 2 people on Facebook so far and lord only knows why…but you know what?  Good riddance and lucky for them I didn’t  open a whole ‘can-o-punch them in the throat’ on them.  Okay?

– I have re-tooled my business model like 42 times to get through this unfortunate little sit-chee-a-shun called a recession and I’m still not rich…time to go back to the drawing board or the cookie jar…whichever is more lucrative.

– I have banned peanut butter from my life and the lives of the people that I love – something about salmonella, but I only looked at the picture and didn’t read the full story, so if that’s not the right stance to be taking currently, please disregard this particular status update.

– I have not worn long johns under shorts in a whole week, but that’s not to say that it won’t happen again because Florida has become Freezida this year.

– Had an awesome Super Bowl party!  It was great having it here in Tampa and I’m sorry gbu2 about the Cards…but y’all gave it a good shot and made for a nail-biting game.  Didn’t meet 1 celebrity, nor did I try…but in the movie constantly playing in my head, I was doing the VIP room thing at all the clubs.  I’m ok with the fact that I’m occasionally delusional, so don’t feel sorry for me…

– What else?  Let’s see…I haven’t watched the news in a good month.  I’m tired of hearing the anti-American sentiments of those that want to see failure of the new administration.  Somehow I’ve missed the connection between love of country and willful wishes of failure for the group trying to pull us out of this train wreck that is our current economy.  I’m specifically referring to that big-foreheaded, bald, thunder-chunky whose name I will not mention so as to give him undeserved press.  I’ve renamed him ‘Blitz Extremitybaugh’ and that “my friends” is what’s been going on while I was away from the blog…

Lastly, a friend of mine posted this on Facebook and it makes me laugh everytime – only because it’s happened more times than I’d like to remember, but being able to laugh about something can certainly make it a little easier to deal with:

February 11, 2009 Posted by | Funny, Life In General, Politics, Sports | , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Pay it forward…

I received the nicest award from fellow ‘funny blog buddy’  The Good the Bad and the Ugly yesterday (see below) and I have to admit, it made my entire week!  So, before going any further into this, gbu2 – thank you from the bottom of my heart!

addictiveblog-award1

As I understand it though, receiving an award comes with some responsibility and a few rules to follow.  So here they are:

  1. List 6 things that inspire your creativity
  2. Pass the award on to 7 more ‘kreativ’ bloggers
  3. Link back to the person who gave you the award
  4. Link to the people you are passing it on to and leave them a comment to let them know

Answers:

6 things that inspire my creativity:

  1. My partner
  2. Music
  3. Television/Movies
  4. Friends
  5. My pets
  6. Social Media

7 ‘kreativ’ bloggers I would like to award:

This part is hard for me as well because there are so many blogs that I absolutely love.  I will however, limit my choices to regular people’s blogs who don’t have loads of money backing them (eh-hmm HuffPost – you know I love ya, but big money backing forces the rest of us to actually work for our readers).

  • The Good the Bad and the Ugly – 1st for becoming a blog buddy, 2nd for always showing support in comments when I’m begging for readers’ support, and 3rd for always making me smile on a daily basis
  • WTF – 1st for being a great friend in person, 2nd for having the courage to make a foray into blogging despite some apprehension, and 3rd for saying it like it is
  • In Repair – 1st for inspiring me to stop being a self-proclaimed news ‘regurgitator’ and be myself, 2nd for becoming a true blog buddy, and 3rd for sharing his personal journey so openly
  • Sideon’s Sanctuary – 1st for becoming a blog buddy, 2nd for making me feel sane despite some interesting religious background baggage, and 3rd for not mincing any words and saying it like it is
  • Presque Isle Files – 1st for becoming a blog buddy, 2nd for speaking up, and 3rd for being funny and managing to make me smile
  • Whisper in the Void – 1st for becoming a blog buddy, 2nd for being as real as real can get, and 3rd automatic brownie points for living in Florida
  • Catch the Spin – for always being creative

Here is your award:
i-heart-your-blog-award

So, thank you to all of you guys, Happy Friday and Happy Blogging!

d

January 16, 2009 Posted by | Funny, Life In General | , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Frustrated

I’m frustrated – really, really frustrated.

As I was driving today, I passed a couple of people who were collecting money for the homeless and for the first time in my brief 35 years on this planet, I faced the fact that I truly don’t have any extra money to give someone else right now.

It made me feel bad because I’m thinking about the fact that in the grand scheme of things, life isn’t so bad for me and there are others far worse off, but I can’t help them right now because I’m in survival mode.

The frustration comes in because I can’t make it logical.  I know the same thing that hopefully every other American knows right now – I’m not helping the economy when I don’t spend.  I know it in theory, but how to fix it…that’s another question.

That’s what’s ‘swimming in my head’ right now – nothing more, nothing less.

November 17, 2008 Posted by | Life In General | , , , | 7 Comments