Funny letter to the ‘red states’

I only wish I could take credit for this hilarious piece of work, but alas I cannot.  This was emailed to me by a very good friend.  I must make the disclaimer to my friends in UT, KY, TN, AZ, and GA, that you are welcomed to move to any of the blue states or this blue state…we’ll leave a light on for ya.

Dear Red States:

We’ve decided we’re leaving.  We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us.  In case you aren’t aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.  We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all the slave states.  We get stem cell research and the best beaches.  We get the Statue of Liberty.  You get Dollywood.  We get Intel and Microsoft.  You get WorldCom.  We get Harvard.  You get Ole’ Miss.  We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs.  You get Alabama.  We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families.  Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice, and anti-war, and we’re going to want all of our citizens back from Iraq at once.  If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias, and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red States believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11…and 61 percent of you believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.

Finally, we’re taking the good pot, too.  You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

Blue States

What a week

Where to begin.  This has been perhaps the second most emotional week I’ve experienced since 9/11.  I’ve shed more tears than I normally shed in a year’s time and I now understand what it means when you’re “waiting to exhale”.  It’s a wonder I hadn’t turned blue, because I held my breath from Monday through most of Tuesday.

It’s strange really.  All that has transpired still seems somewhat surreal to me.  I was thoroughly impressed with Senator McCain’s concession speech, even moved.  But I haven’t and I won’t forget what the Republican party has done and is doing to exclude so many people from having equal rights.

I was definitely moved by President Elect Obama’s acceptance speech.  Moved because I never thought I would see the day in my lifetime where a black man would be President.  But more important than that, I have been corrected about what I thought was the general consensus about race relations in the United States.  I was wrong and now I know better.

I’m not blind, I know that there are some people out there that are probably considering Canada right now, because a black President could only mean the start of Armageddon, but just knowing that so many other Americans have stood up to them to finally say enough is enough is an amazing feeling.

For me, this has never been about black and white – it’s always been representative of a bigger picture and that is: the ‘witch hunt’ had to stop sometime and I hope that the time has come.  The ‘witch hunt’ by the ultra-conservative to rid the country of everything that they felt makes it less than pure.  That could mean race, it could mean sex, it could mean sexual identity – if it doesn’t fit their definition of utopia, they want it gone.

But this year, this election, it seems like the tide has turned slightly and maybe the hunters are being hunted.  Timely.

I don’t know what I’m going to do without the daily ‘Palinisms’ to play with and write posts about, so maybe I should take a cruise up to Alaska and see how the ‘sixpackmoes’ live.  Do I need my passport for that trip also to because with Russia visible and maverick?

For one last hurrah, adding a link…check this out – it gave me chills.  When the song is done playing, in ever so small font is a link to “view original site”.  Click that and you’ll go to a site about Sarah Palin as President and it’s interactive, so use your mouse to make various objects within the office either move or say something.

Decision ’08 Presidential Results

History in the making…

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The Race Card – No excuse

It nearly infuriates me to see the stance that some seem to be taking as it relates to Colin Powell’s endorsement of Senator Obama.

Is it necessary to make an excuse for every misstep that has been made?  Where will responsibility come into play?

Despite being a minority, my decision to support Senator Obama has absolutely nothing to do with my racial background.  Absolutely nothing!  As a matter of fact, I was registered non-partisan prior to the 2nd reign of dare I say, terror by our current, ever-so-popular ‘W’.

I would like to share why as a minority, who is not particularly lured into party loyalty, first why I don’t support Senator McCain and secondly, why I do support Senator Obama.

First and foremost, Senator McCain’s choice in a running mate seems to show his ability to understand how to make an interesting entrance that draws ‘oohs and aahs’, but completely defies the rhetoric surrounding his experience and ability to run a country.  While I’m sure that Governor Palin has some decent qualities, she has repeatedly evidenced her prejudices against so many types of people, her out-of-touch view of “pro-America”, her inability to answer a question directly, and her lack of experience in dealing with big-city issues.  Nobody forced Senator McCain to choose Governor Palin – no excuse.

As if choosing a running mate solely on the ‘she may not be the brightest bulb, but she’s hot’ premise isn’t enough, Senator McCain chose to employ people to run his campaign whose only true ability is smearing and invoking fear to sequester support.  Why on earth would I deliberately vote for someone who thinks it’s more important to scare the masses into believing that their opponent is anti-American or worse, a terrorist and then has the audacity to state that they respect them at a Catholic fundraising event?  If he were so certain that Senator Obama is that wrong for the country, then he should never, under any circumstances say that he respects him.  Stick to your story – no excuse.

And while we’re talking about sticking to a story, Senator McCain has had ample opportunity over the past 8 years to show his ‘McMaverickability’ as it relates to his support of our current fearless leader (‘W’).  His one ‘dinger’ during the third debate where he alluded to Senator Obama running against ‘W’ 4 years ago was heralded by so many as a great line.  Yet how quickly we forget that he too could’ve run against ‘W’ 4 years ago if he were so against the policies of the ‘W’ administration.  Not only did he not run against him, but he supported ‘W’ very vocally during the campaign and 90% of the time thereafter, right up until recently when he was sure that our economy was basically sound.  ‘Shoulda, woulda, coulda’ – no excuse.

Most important to me is understanding how the new President is going to lead the country into the healing process.  We’re hurting right now and we need someone who can say that they’ve looked at all angles, considered the supporting evidence and will make the decisions that start us down the path of rehabilitation.  Enter Senator McCain and Governor Palin – neither has any clear-cut answers to doing that.  Cutting the capital gains tax?  That won’t help me.  I don’t have any big assets that I’ll be selling in 2009 and even if I did, I wouldn’t realize any benefit from a capital gains tax cut until early 2010.  How does that help me now?  No real answers – no excuse.

I may not be ‘Joe Sixpack’, ‘Joe the Plumber’, or a ‘Hockey Mom’, but I am a taxpayer, I’m ‘pro-American’ even though I don’t live in a small town, and I have yet to see one concrete way that Senator McCain and Governor Palin have outlined to help me, the ‘Joes’, the ‘Hockey Moms’, and the rest of us ‘pro-Americans’ that are apparently inconveniently hiding in larger cities,  stop struggling and get back to living the American dream.  Using patriotism as a clever marketing ploy – no excuse.

Now don’t let the above fool you.  I don’t think that Senator Obama has all of the answers either, but I do think that he’s put some thought into the ways that he can make some changes to an ineffective system and more importantly surround himself with able people.  Following are my reasons for being in support of him:

First, his choice in a running mate was Joe Biden.  Experience has always been thrown in Senator Obama’s face, but choosing a running mate who is the 6th longest running Senator as a trusted adviser shows his ability to weigh the situation and make a good decision.  Just the evidence – no excuse needed.

Second, his campaign has mostly been focused on the issues and rarely on the inadequacies or character flaws of McCain or Palin.  And think about it, there is a lot of material out there about Governor Palin to work with and he’s taken the higher road and spoken to America about what he would like to do to rehabilitate our country.  Not as a Democrat, but as a leader.  I am certain that Senator Obama’s plan for healthcare would be far better for ‘Joe the Plumber’ than a $5,000 tax credit from Senator McCain since ‘Joe the Plumber’ owes back taxes.  Just the evidence – no excuse needed.

Senator Obama has harped on the failure of the last 8 years, but rightfully so.  President Bush has followed his own agenda and shown his unwillingness and blatant disregard for the very constituency that he represents at nearly every turn.  Quite frankly, I don’t think that our country was ready for Senator Obama to run against President Bush 4 years ago.  Afterall, wasn’t it the ‘Joe Sixpacks’, ‘Joe the Plumbers’, ‘Hockey Moms’, and Palinesque ‘pro-Americans’ that McCain/Palin are appealing to relentlessly, that supported President Bush’s 2nd terror term?  So the answer is simple – it took 8 years of being battered before the ‘regular’ folks realized that salvation wasn’t coming from the Republicans.  Just the evidence – no excuse needed.

My biggest reason for supporting Senator Obama?  Because I feel that he has shown the characteristics of a true leader.  Let’s face it, while McCain/Palin are inciting people at rallies to vocalize things like “off with their head”, or use racial slurs toward cameramen who are merely performing their job and doing absolutely nothing about it, I hardly see how they would be able to unite our country and lead us down the path of rehabilitation.  Whereas Senator Obama has outlined his economic plans, he has answered the questions and he’s gotten his gathering attendees to rally around changing the country for the better, not calling people names.  He’s done all of this across party lines, racial lines, and socio-economic lines showing me that what he may lack in length of time in politics, he more than makes up for in his ability to appropriately lead.  Just the evidence – no excuse needed.

I would like to point out that I’ve actually never been more proud to be an American than right now.  When you strip away the damage that ‘W’ has done, the malfeasance of the McCain/Palin mudslinging campaign, and the rocky economy, I have watched so many good-hearted, good-natured, decent people step up and show their support for someone that wouldn’t have even been allowed near the White House just 80 or so years ago.  That makes me proud to be a part of a country that is finally standing up for the right things.  That’s just the evidence – no excuse is needed.

So to all of the miserable, misinformed, excuse-laden people who have claimed that Colin Powell has endorsed Senator Obama because he’s black, let’s look at the evidence.  The Republican party did not produce a viable black Presidential or Vice Presidential candidate.  So, please stop saying that Mr. Powell would not have endorsed a white Democratic candidate.  First of all, you have no evidence to support your theory and second you’re making excuses for an inability to produce a minority candidate that is willing to run for President.  I think the reality goes more like this:

Mr. Powell has reviewed the evidence.  He has observed the activities, policies and plans presented by both candidates.  After carefully weighing what has been presented to him, he makes a decision.  If the evidence favors the candidate outside of his party, he should without question, be permitted to state his decision as is his 1st Amendment right.  Oh, and one more thing, Amendment 15 of the Constitution of the United States of America says that “Race is no bar to vote”.  Colin Powell happens to be a minority and he happens to be endorsing a minority, but you can’t play the race card…our founding fathers took that one out of play in 1870.

That’s the evidence – no excuses.