Swimming In My Head…

diving in the deep end…

Proof that we’re in a recession…

First of all, thank you to everyone who commented on my “Think Twice” post!  I happen to be one of those ‘think-out-loud’ guys and in order for me to get through my s#?t, I have to either talk about it or write about it.  Much better spirits and I appreciate all of you.

Now on to the subject at hand…

I knew that things were getting tight financially for awhile, but then last night I realized that I’ve sunken to a new low even for my standards.  While doing all of my Facebook updates last night, ‘the other one’, despite being down the hall sends me a message on Facebook.  I don’t even remember what it was about, but it struck me funny at the very moment when I was taking a sip of my cherished Seagrams Grape vodka & soda; ultimately forcing me to spit half of my drink onto the monitor.

Here’s where the ‘down low’ comes in…I licked the vodka off the monitor.  I know what you’re thinking…what a sick, sick individual and you know what?  You’re right…but it’s a recession dammit and we have to conserve our cash flow.

One more thing;

I have a bone to pick with ABC Liquor.  Today I was sent by ‘the other one’ to go purchase our stockpile booze for armagaddeon stash and had a horrible realization.

You cannot hide, no matter how much you try, how much of a ‘boozer’ you are in ABC Liquor.  Do you know why?  It’s because they have ceramic tile floors with these highway lane-sized grout lines that do absolutely nothing to absorb the clickety clack of the shopping cart wheels as you zip around the store sniffing the alcohol-laden air.

To add insult to injury, we’ve been reduced to buying ‘jugs-o-wine’ as opposed to normal-people bottles with a cork thanks to the ‘R’ word.  So that means that while I’ve got 2 Volkswagon Beetle sized, screw-off cap bottles of wine accompanied by a larger than life, but it’s on sale bottle of Seagrams Grape Vodka (with last number redial) in my cart, everybody knows I’m coming and everybody knows I’ve obviously got a problem.

Hi, I’m Derek and I have to buy cheap wine and vodka thanks to the recession…

Now how many steps do I have to go?

February 20, 2009 - Posted by | Funny, Life In General | , , , , , , ,


  1. Being “the other one” you might expect that I have a bit of a different perspective (and those who know me also acknowledge that I have to say “red” just because he said “blue”, etc. You get the idea. LOL).

    Our wonderful friends at ABC (yes, they know us, so they are friends!), also have this customer loyalty program. So when you get to $250 in purchases you get a $5 coupon off your next purchase. Needless to say, I’m sure deek sees this as yet another indication of his “problem”. I, on the one hand, see it as an opportunity. An opportunity to combat the sucky economy. A shallanje (that’s franglish for “challenge”), if you will. How quickly can YOU get to $250 buying cheap-a$-$hit wine for $4 per gallon?!?

    Since we’ve started buying the jugs-o-wine (and yes, we did consider the ‘boxes-o-wine’ but could just not bring ourselves to do it – something about the spout just didn’t seem right!), we signed up for “the program”. And the one time we hit the $250 so far, I ran through the store toward the checkout, cart full of end-of-the-world-jugs-o-wine-and-on-sale-non-top-shelf-vodka-grape-flavored, clickety clack over the grout lines with coupon showing my $250 — proudly proclaiming “I won!! I won!!”

    Comment by The Other One | February 20, 2009

  2. When ya’ll come up to see your nephew I’ll make sure you get the top shelf s*$t again. Jamie already has my list of things I want to drink after I give birth. I’ll throw some of the stuff you want on the list too. I know you don’t like my choices of whiskeys and bourbons or beers so just let me know what you like and I’ll make sure you have it. But in case I’m down there just know that I like the jugs-o-wine so we’ll be alright 🙂

    Comment by Al | February 20, 2009

  3. Nick and I tried to do the boxed wine thing for a bit (they actually have pretty good ones). We just found one major problem and had to stop.

    Opening a bottle of wine gives you a very set quantity that is to be consumed, which is about 2-1/2 glasses each (and they better be even to the drop, or someone’s getting five across the eyes). If you decide you want another glass, that means opening another bottle, and you realize that it’s probably too much to be drinking at 11:45 in the morning on a Tuesday. So you stop (that’s a lie, but we’ll go with it for argument’s sake).

    With boxed wine, you can always have “just one more glass.” Well, you can keep having that “one more glass” until you realize that a box doesn’t quite last you what it should. The ugly “R” word leads to more drinking anyway, so buying several boxes of wine at once is a bit traumatic, especially when the clerk at the grocery store asks if you’re having a party.

    So, back to bottled wine for us.

    Comment by JoshB | February 20, 2009

  4. @The Other One – You made me laugh really hard! Thank goodness I hadn’t tapped into the armageddon stash yet or it would be another night spent licking the monitor.

    @Al – whiskey, bourbon, beer, vodka or rubbing alcohol will all be fine with us! we’ll bring a mobile and a pacifier so the little one can do little people things while we catch you up on the 9 months of complete and utter sobriety that you’ve had to endure.

    @JoshB – you always know how to make me laugh! “the five across the eyes” would have also been a licking the monitor moment had i already started into the stash…bringing you a bottle opener this weekend. just say no the box!

    Comment by deek1973 | February 20, 2009

  5. OMG I can SO relate to this post….it is so sad when you have to buy the cheap liquor….. 😦

    Comment by goodbadandugly2 | February 20, 2009

  6. hahahahahahahahaha, now all I want to do is stock pile cheap wine! Carlo Rossi FOREVER! In terms of boxed wine my roomate has a Sister who plays a game called slap the bag. She and her roomates rip the bag of wine from the box and drink it until they “slap the bag”…it looks awful…I want to try it! Hope you are having a decent Monday!

    Comment by sammy25 | February 23, 2009

  7. […] 24, 2009 by VodkaBlogger Derek at Swimming in My Head proves just how hard the recession is hitting vodka fans: I knew that things were getting tight […]

    Pingback by Recession Hits Hard « VodkaBlogger | February 23, 2009

  8. @VodkaBlogger – I think that’s an appropriate next step!

    Comment by deek1973 | February 25, 2009

  9. @Sammy25 – Carlo Rossi is right! LOL! I’ve never had the opportunity to play “slap the bag”, but it definitely sounds interesting. Got a laugh out of me.

    Comment by deek1973 | February 25, 2009

  10. @gbu2 – It is sad, isn’t it? LOL. Our day will come soon enough when we can look at the shelf that’s at least at eye-level again someday.

    Comment by deek1973 | February 25, 2009

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